By using this site, you agree to the Privacy Policy and Terms of Use.
Accept

9two9.com

Aa
  • Lifestyle
    LifestyleShow More
    8 Moving Hacks That Make Packing Up So Much Easier
    8 Min Read
    Summer Dinner Recipes for When It’s Too Hot to Cook
    2 Min Read
    All the Frozen Pastas At Trader Joe’s, Ranked
    8 Min Read
    Easy Dinner Recipes For When You Don’t Want To Cook
    3 Min Read
    How to Decide on a Wedding Budget That Works for You
    8 Min Read
  • Finance
    FinanceShow More
    Productivity Tips for When Summer Is Calling Your Name
    9 Min Read
    How Mindfulness Can Help Level Up Your Finances
    9 Min Read
    Money Questions Newlyweds Should Ask Each Other
    8 Min Read
    Expert Financial Advice Everyone Should Follow
    11 Min Read
    Meet Evernote: Our Best Kept Secret for Staying Ahead of the Workplace
    8 Min Read
  • Sex
    SexShow More
    The Sex Position to Try Based on Your Enneagram
    9 Min Read
    5 Habits That Can Boost Your Sex Life
    9 Min Read
    Why Are Milenials Having Less Sex?
    8 Min Read
    Does Size Really Matter? We’re Breaking It Down
    7 Min Read
    10 Sex Positions To Try When It’s Too Hot To Function
    10 Min Read
  • Sport
    SportShow More
    Why 2022 Should Be the Year You Start Weight Lifting
    9 Min Read
    The Best Fitness Tips From Shay Mitchell’s Trainer
    14 Min Read
    The Workout Motivation Tips Our Editors Swear By
    8 Min Read
    Fitness Tips To Follow if You Hate Working Out
    7 Min Read
    6 Ways to Feel More Toned By Tomorrow
    7 Min Read
  • Tech
    TechShow More
    OnePlus Nord CE 2 review
    15 Min Read
    Nubia Red Magic 7 review
    19 Min Read
    Realme 9 review
    17 Min Read
    Breville Barista Max review
    12 Min Read
    Apple iPhone 13 Mini review
    17 Min Read
  • Contact
  • English
    • Русский
    • Українська
    • Polski
    • Deutsch
Reading: What a Dry Spell Taught Me About Sex

9two9.com

Aa
  • Lifestyle
  • Finance
  • Sex
  • Sport
  • Tech
  • Contact
  • English
Search
  • Lifestyle
  • Finance
  • Sex
  • Sport
  • Tech
  • Contact
  • English
    • Русский
    • Українська
    • Polski
    • Deutsch
9two9.com > Sex > What a Dry Spell Taught Me About Sex
Sex

What a Dry Spell Taught Me About Sex

Jena Mcpherson
Last updated: 2022/10/17 at 1:09 AM
By Jena Mcpherson 12 Min Read
Share
SHARE

I’m coming at this from the other side. Yes, friends: I just had sex. 

Contents
After finally getting out of my dry spell, I’m here to share every thought I had while I was in it and what I learned.Porn got kinda boring.OK, but vibrators are crazy these days.Have I gone through every single man on Bumble?Texting my ex rn would be so easy.How do I speak to a man again?Nighttime … sucks. The dreaded “So, any new Bumble dates?” Hey, I’ve saved so much on Ubers. Will not having sex make me get sick?Ah, I feel so deeply undesirable. But it doesn’t have to be so linear.Welp, I had sex.And now we wait again.Here’s the thing …

Sex is an interesting thing. When you’re having a lot of it, you don’t think about it too much. But when you’re not having it at all, it seems to be all you can think about. Every time you pass a person on the street, you’re wondering if they’re having sex. Are they thinking about sex? When was the last time my Trader Joe’s checkout person (lovely lady) had sex? You watch a movie, and when anyone has sex or even mentions the sheer idea of having sex, it’s a personal attack on just how little sex you’re having. I mean, she’s going to die before the end of the movie, so she might as well get laid, right? 

giphy

Am I the only person in America not having sex right now? 

That, my friends, is what we call a dry spell. I’ve been through them a few times in my day. From when I was single and Tinder just didn’t provide to when I was in a relationship but my partner’s sex drive was significantly lower than mine, there are so many reasons and situations that can result in a dry spell. But you’re not here for that—you’re here to know what it’s like when you’ve made it out from under the enormous weight that is not getting laid for extended periods of time.

More Read

The Sex Position to Try Based on Your Enneagram
5 Habits That Can Boost Your Sex Life
Why Are Milenials Having Less Sex?

After finally getting out of my dry spell, I’m here to share every thought I had while I was in it and what I learned.

Porn got kinda boring.

Like any normal person, I turned to masturbating to get through my dry spell. While I don’t need porn to get off, I watch it because I enjoy it. But after enough times, it’s just not fun anymore. I’ve seen every storyline. Porn used to make me simultaneously horny and laugh. Now, I feel nothing.

OK, but vibrators are crazy these days.

I don’t need a partner to have sex. The vibrators that have graced the market these days make women a priority and remind us that another person isn’t necessary for pleasure. Two minutes with a Satisfyer, and I forget men exist. Women in dry spells, you’ve met your match. Order a new vibe, why don’tcha. Forget Paris, a new vibrator is always a good idea.

Have I gone through every single man on Bumble?

It’s official: I’ve seen every single straight man in my city. And somehow none of them want to have sex with me. *cue desperation* Would it be so bad if I matched with a guy who lives an hour away in the suburbs? I’m not against it anymore.

Texting my ex rn would be so easy.

But I can’t. See, my ex isn’t your run-of-the-mill f*ckboy (even if yours is, please take my advice). I was in a mentally, and later physically, abusive relationship for two years, and it sparked quite the tumultuous mental relationship with sex. I began to view sex as a way to make up after an explosive fight, as a way for him to show me he loved me after he did so much to show me he didn’t. I know if I text him right now, he’ll come over immediately. I’ll feel good for 10 minutes, but then I’ll feel horrible for weeks. I started telling myself that sex with him wasn’t curing my dry spell, it was just propelling it even longer. Sex with him isn’t sex or pleasure; it’s self-destruction. Spoiler alert: I never texted him. Go me!

How do I speak to a man again?

I’ve never been good at speaking to guys. I had like two male friends growing up because it’s either all flirty and sexy or I’m telling them about the embarrassing time I crawled home from the school bus because a kid kicked off my toenail (hilarious story, gains so many points with the fellas—I wish!). It’s either turned all the way on or all the way off, and the lack of regular practice makes it so much worse. W-w-woo-u-ld you like to … go … out … with my friend??? Because I’d rather die than ask this dude out myself. You’d think that a dry spell would make you fear rejection less, because what do I have to lose? Rather, it’s the opposite. I’ll just stick inside my bubble because my lil’ heart can’t take the beating yet another time.

Nighttime … sucks. 

Ah, can’t wait to go home and lay on my couch for three hours eating Sun Chips and swiping left and right on people who won’t have sex with me! Riveting!

The dreaded “So, any new Bumble dates?” 

I have nothing to say to this question over and over. The closest thing I’ve gotten to action in months is when a man leaned across me at a table to grab the salt, and I went home and thought about it for approximately one hour. My friends have started telling me that “maybe” I should “join Hinge.” I would like to permanently go into hiding. Hello, FBI, how can you make this happen?

Hey, I’ve saved so much on Ubers. 

All those 2am visits with a f*ckboy who lives eight train stops away (which roughly equates to a $12 Uber Pool each way—yes, I said Pool. I can’t give these guys any more satisfaction, so I show up fashionably late) adds up. 

Will not having sex make me get sick?

I read something once that having regular sex can boost your immune system to fight off viruses … so I’ve now convinced myself that because no one will have sex with me, I’m at a higher risk for Coronavirus. *washing my hands for one full minute once every hour now*

Ah, I feel so deeply undesirable. 

It’s one thing to just feel ugly. To feel like you’re just not a pretty or attractive person. It’s entirely different to feel like no one desires you in a sexual way. To feel like there are zero people on this Earth who fantasize or think about sleeping with you. As much as sex can just be about having fun and getting off, we’re kidding ourselves if we think it’s not intimate or indicative of attraction. Not having sex is a really easy way to feel like you’re just deeply unattractive. 

But it doesn’t have to be so linear.

When you’re not having sex, you have time to think. A lot. So after a night of self-loathing and drinking wine in my bathtub blasting “Dear John” by Taylor Swift (it’s my #1 cry song), I think a little more clearly. I laugh at myself. Just because someone isn’t having sex with me every other night (ya know, even once a month would be pretty dope … ) doesn’t mean I’m doomed to celibacy forever. Someone not having sex with me right now sure as hell doesn’t mean no one will ever find me attractive. 

Welp, I had sex.

In an interview in 2010, Kevin Jonas (a real expert on the subject matter) said that after he had sex for the first time, his first thought was, “That’s it?” While it wasn’t quite that underwhelming, it was a reminder of a few things. First of all, waiting for good sex was worth it. However, it wasn’t a problem-solver either. I didn’t have sex and immediately feel hot and dangerous. Sex isn’t a solution, and while it can be a confidence-booster, it won’t make you love yourself either. All that anxiety and self-doubt that happened during the dry spell won’t just magically go away; they were just brought to the surface because you weren’t masking them with orgasms and pillow talk on the reg. 

Sex is one of my greatest pleasures on Earth, possibly only behind Rihanna and Sprite (especially when it’s mixed with vodka). But going through this most recent dry spell was eye-opening to just how much weight I put into sex as a way to make myself feel confident and sexy. When the sex was over, I realized I still felt undesirable. I still wanted to text my abusive ex. I still felt lonely. Having sex didn’t make all those thoughts go away because they had nothing to do with sex in the first place. My body-image, my past relationship trauma, and feeling alone are issues I need to deal with outside of my sexual well-being. I can have an insane amount of sex, and I’ll still feel all of those until I address them specifically. (Hello, therapist? It’s me.) 

And now we wait again.

I had sex approximately two weeks ago (ha ha ha who’s counting!!!), and the dry spell behaviors begin again. First up: buy a new vibrator! 

Here’s the thing …

After my epiphany, I start to realize I’m not so alone after all. Everyone has a dry spell, whether in a relationship or single. If you’re reading this, I’m going to assume you probably also have a dry spell on your hands (or just read in sympathy because you’ve been there before). It doesn’t mean any of those negative things I was thinking a few weeks ago; it just means I’m not having sex with someone! It won’t last forever, and eventually, you’ll be having this same realization. As far as I’m concerned, life is comprised of about a dozen dry spells after another. Let’s just ride the wave (and buy so many sex toys). 

Jena Mcpherson 15/11/2022
Share this Article
Facebook Twitter Email Copy Link Print

Editor's Pick

How To Make Large Purchases Without Going Into Debt
How to Embrace Your Sexual Fantasies
Samsung Galaxy Book 2 360 review
All of The Starbucks Fall Drinks, Ranked
How to Give (and Recieve) Better Oral Sex

More Popular

Tech

Ninebot KickScooter D38E review

By Jena Mcpherson 12 Min Read

Why Rest Days Are Crucial For Your Workout Routine

By Jena Mcpherson
Sex

What to Do If Your Partner Doesn’t Go Down On You

By Jena Mcpherson 9 Min Read
- Advertisement -
Ad image
Sex

I Got Ghosted After Sex—Does That Mean I’m Bad in Bed?

I mourn for the days when I had never felt the pang of disappointment of getting…

By Jena Mcpherson
Sex

How Can You Fix a ‘Bad Kisser’?

Remember when everyone said we’d remember our first kiss forever? Well, I wish I could forget…

By Jena Mcpherson
Sport

Why Cycle Syncing Workouts are the Way to Go

Do you crush intense HIIT sessions one week only to slog through burpees the next? If…

By Jena Mcpherson
Sport

10 Ways Yoga Drastically Changed My Life

Thanks to mainstream media, many of us know yoga as a workout that involves breathing, different…

By Jena Mcpherson
Sex

How to Make Your Sex Life Better in Your Relationship

Whether it’s the honeymoon phase or you’ve been together for five years, people expect us to…

By Jena Mcpherson

Removed from reading list

Undo
Welcome Back!

Sign in to your account

Lost your password?