By using this site, you agree to the Privacy Policy and Terms of Use.
Accept

9two9.com

Aa
  • Lifestyle
    LifestyleShow More
    8 Moving Hacks That Make Packing Up So Much Easier
    8 Min Read
    Summer Dinner Recipes for When It’s Too Hot to Cook
    2 Min Read
    All the Frozen Pastas At Trader Joe’s, Ranked
    8 Min Read
    Easy Dinner Recipes For When You Don’t Want To Cook
    3 Min Read
    How to Decide on a Wedding Budget That Works for You
    8 Min Read
  • Finance
    FinanceShow More
    Productivity Tips for When Summer Is Calling Your Name
    9 Min Read
    How Mindfulness Can Help Level Up Your Finances
    9 Min Read
    Money Questions Newlyweds Should Ask Each Other
    8 Min Read
    Expert Financial Advice Everyone Should Follow
    11 Min Read
    Meet Evernote: Our Best Kept Secret for Staying Ahead of the Workplace
    8 Min Read
  • Sex
    SexShow More
    The Sex Position to Try Based on Your Enneagram
    9 Min Read
    5 Habits That Can Boost Your Sex Life
    9 Min Read
    Why Are Milenials Having Less Sex?
    8 Min Read
    Does Size Really Matter? We’re Breaking It Down
    7 Min Read
    10 Sex Positions To Try When It’s Too Hot To Function
    10 Min Read
  • Sport
    SportShow More
    Why 2022 Should Be the Year You Start Weight Lifting
    9 Min Read
    The Best Fitness Tips From Shay Mitchell’s Trainer
    14 Min Read
    The Workout Motivation Tips Our Editors Swear By
    8 Min Read
    Fitness Tips To Follow if You Hate Working Out
    7 Min Read
    6 Ways to Feel More Toned By Tomorrow
    7 Min Read
  • Tech
    TechShow More
    OnePlus Nord CE 2 review
    15 Min Read
    Nubia Red Magic 7 review
    19 Min Read
    Realme 9 review
    17 Min Read
    Breville Barista Max review
    12 Min Read
    Apple iPhone 13 Mini review
    17 Min Read
  • Contact
  • English
    • Русский
    • Українська
    • Polski
    • Deutsch
Reading: What Do Sexual Fantasies About Your Ex Mean?

9two9.com

Aa
  • Lifestyle
  • Finance
  • Sex
  • Sport
  • Tech
  • Contact
  • English
Search
  • Lifestyle
  • Finance
  • Sex
  • Sport
  • Tech
  • Contact
  • English
    • Русский
    • Українська
    • Polski
    • Deutsch
9two9.com > Sex > What Do Sexual Fantasies About Your Ex Mean?
Sex

What Do Sexual Fantasies About Your Ex Mean?

Jena Mcpherson
Last updated: 2022/09/19 at 12:51 PM
By Jena Mcpherson 6 Min Read
Share
SHARE

Believe it or not, fantasies about an ex are actually up there with some of the most common sexual fantasies for people of all genders. Now, if you’ve seen Netflix’s Sex/Life, you’re likely already jumping to conclusions about what this could mean. Does fantasizing about an ex mean you aren’t over them? And if you’re with someone new, what does it say about the health of that relationship? Should you tell your partner about these fantasies?

Contents
1. You can’t find happiness in your current relationship or single life2. You find yourself comparing everything to your ex3. You are unable to connect with yourself or your partner

With these questions swirling through my head, I sat down with Doctor and Certified Sex Therapist Kristie Overstreet to learn more about where these fantasies come from and how to navigate them.

Screen-Shot-2021-07-28-at-4

Dr. Kristie Overstreet

CERTIFIED SEX THERAPIST, CLINICAL SEXOLOGIST

More Read

The Sex Position to Try Based on Your Enneagram
5 Habits That Can Boost Your Sex Life
Why Are Milenials Having Less Sex?

Dr. Overstreet has over 14 years of clinical experience and is an expert in relationships and LGBTQIA+ health care.

Right off the bat, Overstreet confirmed that this is a very common fantasy that comes up even more often than you might think among both single people and couples. “We are humans with hearts, and we have to give ourselves grace and not beat ourselves up,” she reminded us.

Every situation is different, but if you’re single, Overstreet said fantasizing about an ex does not necessarily mean that you want to go back to that person. Rather, she explained, fantasizing “could be a healthy way to look back on what was good in the relationship” and draw on it for pleasure in the present moment.

For those in a relationship who still fantasize about people from their past, the common assumption is that there are issues with your current partner that leave you looking back and romanticizing past relationships. Overstreet said that while this could be true in some cases, more often than not, fantasies can be “a way to use the past relationship to help enhance the current relationship.”

Overstreet suggested asking yourself what role the fantasy is playing for you, what the purpose of it is, and what cup you are trying to fill up. What benefit are you getting from these fantasies? Clarity on these questions will help you determine whether this is a healthy fantasy or if you might need to explore it further. Where might the fantasy become harmful to your relationship or your ability to thrive on your own? Look out for these three indicators that there could be something deeper going on.

1. You can’t find happiness in your current relationship or single life

It is perfectly normal to go through periods of monotony in long-term relationships or to get frustrated with single life. You should, however, be able to find happiness in your current situation and not be using fantasies of your past to escape from your present. If you’re unable to find moments of happiness where you’re at now, fantasies of the past could be doing more harm than good because you’re simply putting a Band-Aid over a bigger issue.

ex-sexual-fantasies-the-everygirl

Source: Shingi Rice | Unsplash

2. You find yourself comparing everything to your ex

In the event that you’re unhappy in your current relationship, Overstreet said “you can fall into this spiral of, ‘maybe I need to get back with my ex,’” or you begin trying to replicate an old relationship with a new person. Drawing on fantasies or past experiences to enhance your present-day sex life can be a (very) good thing, but you’re never going to replicate it exactly—and the comparison trap can be a dangerous one.

3. You are unable to connect with yourself or your partner

“If you are stuck in a space of fantasy and all you can do is think about your ex, you are not being present in the moment with yourself,” Overstreet explained. The most important thing is to make sure you’re still able to stay present and enjoy the moments you’re in right now. If your fantasies are getting in the way of that, you could be treading into unhealthy territory.

At the end of the day, fantasies are a normal and healthy part of our sexual fulfillment. Where things start to get tricky is if you’re letting these fantasies of your ex get in the way of your current relationship with your partner or with yourself. If you’re relying on the past to make you happy in the present, you aren’t giving yourself a fair shot to really be happy today.

Overstreet’s final advice? “Ride it out, get out of your head, and out of the emotion.” Play out the fantasy, but come back to yourself afterward and make sure you’re finding moments of pleasure in your current situation, too. And beware of rose-colored glasses because I can tell you this much: My best sex was definitely not with my best partner.

Jena Mcpherson 26/11/2022
Share this Article
Facebook Twitter Email Copy Link Print

Editor's Pick

What to Do If Your Partner Doesn’t Go Down On You
Samsung Galaxy A52s 5G review
A Personal Trainer’s Tips For Getting The Most from Your Workouts
Sex 101: How to Start Role-Playing With Your Partner
Swan Retro Air Fryer SD10510 review

More Popular

Tech

Ninebot KickScooter D38E review

By Jena Mcpherson 12 Min Read

Why Rest Days Are Crucial For Your Workout Routine

By Jena Mcpherson
Sex

What to Do If Your Partner Doesn’t Go Down On You

By Jena Mcpherson 9 Min Read
- Advertisement -
Ad image
Sex

I Got Ghosted After Sex—Does That Mean I’m Bad in Bed?

I mourn for the days when I had never felt the pang of disappointment of getting…

By Jena Mcpherson
Sex

How Can You Fix a ‘Bad Kisser’?

Remember when everyone said we’d remember our first kiss forever? Well, I wish I could forget…

By Jena Mcpherson
Sport

Why Cycle Syncing Workouts are the Way to Go

Do you crush intense HIIT sessions one week only to slog through burpees the next? If…

By Jena Mcpherson
Sport

10 Ways Yoga Drastically Changed My Life

Thanks to mainstream media, many of us know yoga as a workout that involves breathing, different…

By Jena Mcpherson
Sex

How to Make Your Sex Life Better in Your Relationship

Whether it’s the honeymoon phase or you’ve been together for five years, people expect us to…

By Jena Mcpherson

Removed from reading list

Undo
Welcome Back!

Sign in to your account

Lost your password?